sex, love, and relationships for those of us who don't quite follow the rules

Naughty or not

So recently, as my last post hints at, I had sex with another man in my boyfriend’s presence. Don’t go feeling bad for my boyfriend — we were swapping, so he had a lovely lady to keep him occupied as well. We met this couple — I dub them Nate and Anna — at a poly meetup recently, and we all liked each other right away. We’ve all spent one very pleasant evening together already, and we’re hoping for many more.

But this is what I wanted to talk about: hanging out with these people, swapping partners, lying around naked on the bed chatting afterward… these things are supposed to be naughty, right? Thinking about it in retrospect, I should maybe be feeling a thrill of transgression? If I told my co-workers, I’d get some shocked responses and some “oooh, Ginny’s a bad girl!” teasing. But it didn’t feel like that at all to me. It felt like, “We liked these people, there was attraction in at least four directions, so we hung out with them for a while and fucked each other.” Like ya do. Like, when we hang out with a couple that likes to play Spades, we play Spades… when we hang out with a couple that likes to have sex, we have sex. What could be more natural?

I dunno, I don’t get the whole “taboo” thing. Another partner of mine, Brendan, has talked with me a few times about how weirded out he is when kinky people play up the “ooh, we’re so naughty” aspect. He feels, and I feel, that you like what you like and you do what you do, and as long as it’s all safe, sane, and consensual, there’s no “naughty” about it.

I realize that some people get off on the thrill of transgression, and hey, that’s cool too. I’d rather someone be turned on by the idea of harmless “naughtiness” than be repressed or condemnatory about it. But I don’t seem to have had my naughtiness sensor installed. Rolling around naked in bed with three other people, with all the laughing and teasing and squeals of pleasure… to me that’s just good, clean fun.


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